I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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