she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
