I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
