I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize