so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
