I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
