Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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