I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize