I'm jealous of your bromance
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
