He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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