I want to walk on stilts...naked
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
