im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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