haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
