just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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