also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
