I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
