So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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