i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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