i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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