ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
