NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
