i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
