Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
