I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
