I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is Oprah even human
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
