i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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