you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
