the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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