Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Even my vagina gasped.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
