hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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