so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
