his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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