Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
