Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
