Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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