dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
