Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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