you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
