dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
