Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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