i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I fill condoms, not promises.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
