honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
