Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
