I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
