her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I look better un-naked...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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