When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
