I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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