I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
