Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
