...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
