Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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