all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
