I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
