Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We had to coat check the pizza.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
