is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
