So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
