How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
