what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
