She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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