Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish my penis had a tongue
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
