I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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