I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
