it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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