After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
