To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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