So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
