i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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