oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
