This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I AM VODKA MAN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
