I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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