i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
